I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
you made out with another girl for some wings
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
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