I wish I could teleport
My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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