um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
