does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
