just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
Just high enough for therapy.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Randomize
