First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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