Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
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