Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
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