there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
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