I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
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