now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
Randomize
