he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
I'm always down for nudity.
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