I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
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