And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
