so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
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