all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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