i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Randomize
