Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Randomize
