i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Randomize
