Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
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