Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Randomize
