he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
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