I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
This can only be settled by a dance off.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
