You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
Randomize
