I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Randomize
