cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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