There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
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