I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
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