My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize
