I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
Randomize
