i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
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