I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
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