Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
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