Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
