I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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