so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize
