matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
