If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
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