It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
