Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
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