i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Randomize
