Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
