she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
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