Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Randomize
