Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
Randomize
