the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
Randomize
