I wannas sexs uuuuu
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
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