If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
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