i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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