did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
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She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
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I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
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