I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
