My girlfriend figured out who you are.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
