There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
