A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
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