Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
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I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
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They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
Randomize