I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
Randomize