ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
Randomize
