absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Randomize
