I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
