I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
