its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
They are going to name an STD after you.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
Randomize
