Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
