i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
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