You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
