Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
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