I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
This baby is an asshole
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
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