Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Randomize
