they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
